Calling All Lonely Callers! Don't Call!

I have experienced loneliness.......YOU have experienced loneliness, we have ALL experienced loneliness.  How does that old song go?  One is the loneliest number??  Being lonely is, unfortunately, a part of life.  God was lonely, so he created the earth, all of it's creatures and mankind, Adam was lonely in the garden and God gave him a woman, Air Supply recorded "Two Less Lonely People" and got a lot of money................but if YOU are lonely HERE, you do not get ME, get a pen pal instead.  Loneliness strikes everyone at one time or another, however, it is not acceptable to dial zero from ones hotel room and go on, and on, and on about your bunyuns to a faceless, nameless, exasperated hotel operator when all you needed was a tube of toothpaste for crying out loud! 

Lonely callers are among the worst, for they just assume that you have absolutely nothing else to do but listen to them talk about Des Moine, back in the day, or of their stay in one of our hotels way back in 1959 and how many times they have stayed in one since then.  All of these facts however serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever except to give me time to apply another layer of clear polish to my nails.  My fellow employees have become accustomed to seeing me at my desk, telephone receiver tucked snuggly between my chin and shoulder, arms flapping wide as an eagle in an attempt to dry the Sally Hansen.  These gyrations silently relay to them that I have been snagged by yet another "lonely caller."

If you are lonely, join the Red Hat Club for ladies who have yet to be informed that purple and red do not match.  Or what about a book club, cooking class or quilting bee???  For lonely men out there, there is always checkers in the courthouse square, golf and piddling around in the garage.......better yet, all you lonely people, join Apostolic Singles Network and find another lonely person, and then you can both NOT be lonely together!  I am pure genius!  My nails will look like doo doo but I will no longer suffer from that nagging crick in my neck.........