The most basic of my duties at my prestigious job at a local luxury hotel is to answer the phones. Now, if I were only required to answer the telephone in my sweet voice so syrupy it could cover your morning waffles with ease, well then that would be easy. It's the fact that there is a live person on the other end of the line that I have to deal with that chaps my hide! Don't they know I am busy filing my nails?? I have come to the conclusion that the people of America are well..........just straight up ignorant.
We have a large variety of callers that annoy me on a daily basis, and I have created names for all of them. For instance;
1. The international caller
2. The lonely guest caller
3 The creeper caller
4. The woman who thinks she is God's gift to the world but is not caller
5. The know it all caller
6. The walking allergy caller
7. The would fit in better at a Motel 6 caller
And last, but certainly not least.......
8. The drunk off his/her badonkadonk caller
Now, Let's discuss each caller in depth so that I can share the misery with all. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my job, it's morons that I cannot tolerate. I absolutely believe that I will one day stroll the sumptuous halls of this structure in a business suit sporting a large name tag and commence to boss people around, striking terror in the hearts of my underlings as they pass me a perfectly brewed cup of coffee.............until then, I will grasp the telephone receive with white knuckles fantasizing of all sorts of evil ways to end the conversation..........for good.
So, shall we begin? Let's do! Our first caller to discuss shall be the international caller. I have taken calls from Aussies, Englishmen, Irishman and Scotts. Never fails, every Australian I talk to, I envision them tanned, khaki shirt open to the waist. Weather worn pants are tucked into knee hi boots, blue eyes against a tanned face peeks out from beneath an old floppy leather hat.
The Englishmen? Well, he would certainly arrive in an Aston Martin clad in a white, tailored Armani suit, ascot at his throat, beautiful woman on his arm as he discreetly speaks into his wristwatch to Scotland Yard and orders a dry martini, shaken, not stirred.
The Irsihman arrives in a tweed jacket and knee pants, a jaunty cap rests upon his fiery red hair, an attractive mustache adorns his upper lip, as an elaborately carved pipe hangs from the side of his mouth. His piercing green eyes take in every aspect of the lovely lobby.
And then, there is the Scott. Long, wavy auburn hair flows down his back. He is adorned with a white linen shirt with leather drawstrings at the chest and billowing sleeves. A lovely kilt in colors that enhance his eyes and hair brush his knees. Highland boots complete the ensemble, revealing just a hint of muscular, tanned knee.
I lie to myself that this is what the fella on the other end of the line really looks like as they ask for directions, room service, extra linens, towels, etc. Unfortunately reality is not my friend, for in truth, the Aussie has b.o, the Scott just trashed his room, the Irishman is drunk at the bar and the Englishman is in need of a dentist in a bad way.
Sigh, oh well, I will send the Aussie his soap, call housekeeping to the Scott's room, have the bellman drag the Irishman to his room and direct the Englishman to the local dentist.........I hope he's in town for a while.
Oh well, back to reality and then I am off to go home to my REAL Harlequin Romance hero!! We will talk about the "lonely guest caller" next time! Until then, don't call me, I'll call you. ;)
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
I'm a Big Shot Now!
In January of this year I removed my orange apron, kissed my name tag with my name written in black magic marker and sadly removed my orange ballcap from where it rested ever so delicately upon my auburn locks. I rolled my sampling cart into the storage room and covered it one last time. And with that, I was gone.
Wal Mart stores every where stopped and held a collective breath as the guy in Customer Service announced over the world wide public announcement system, "May I have your attention, Shawnacee, the Wal Mart sample lady has left the building."
I, on the other hand had never been happier in my life! I was on to bigger and better things. I wanted to sit behind a desk, wear a real uniform with a real nametag where the name is actually engraved. I was ready to mix and mingle with those in the corporate world, and to climb a few rungs on that corporate ladder!!
And that my dear readers is how I found myself employed at one of the most prestiges hotels in the world, whose name I shall keep private. No 1970's decor or coin operated bed massagers here, no sir, at this hotel you are knee deep in swank, complete with bellman in red coats and an entire staff waiting to serve you!
The hotel industry, I love it! You would think that after years of performing the duties of a Pastor's wife that I would run screaming in sheer terror from a building full of complaining and demanding people, but no, I embrace it, relish it, I LOVE IT!! And so, I return from whence I came, serving people. Plastering a smile on my face, and maintaining a calm, silky smooth, appropriately modulated voice I listen to both the complaints and compliments aimed at our fine establishment.
I sit behind my desk in the back office, my neck and spine alligned perfectly in delicate posture, and with a well cultured voice answer the phone thus, "Good morning/afternoon/evening, this is Shawnacee at your service, how may I assist you?"..............Wait, scratch that, back the truck up, my Holy Ghost won't let me, I told an ever so lily white lie. The afore mentioned picture that I just painted for you is somewhat smudged. In reality, I slouch in a posture that would bring shame upon my mother, my feet propped up on a desk that I share with at least one other person, sucking on a diet coke whilst popping skittles and m&m's into my mouth hoping and praying that I can swallow before the phone rings. And I have learned one very valuable lesson..........one cannot transfer a call with one's big toe. Well, to be honest, that description is a real stretch as well, but hey, it makes life more exciting.
So, what do I really do?? I am an AYS (at your service) agent at a very beautiful upscale hotel in Napa Valley and I couldn't be happier! My duties include answering all calls, taking room service orders, signing out and signing in property keys, wake up calls, logging all complaint or repair calls as well as filing a number of very important documents daily into our data base. Short of occasionally wanting to reach through the phone line and manually strangling a guest, or fantasizing of cutting out the tongue of an overly picky guest giving me their room service order, I enjoy what I do! My coworkers are warm and welcoming and fun and there is never a dull moment! And considering all the wild and wacky people that I encounter on a daily basis and their antics during their stay at our hotel, well, it's just too rich not to be shared!
So, stay tuned for future blogs on my very interesting employment, until then, I have to answer line two! Tada, and do come again! ;)
Wal Mart stores every where stopped and held a collective breath as the guy in Customer Service announced over the world wide public announcement system, "May I have your attention, Shawnacee, the Wal Mart sample lady has left the building."
I, on the other hand had never been happier in my life! I was on to bigger and better things. I wanted to sit behind a desk, wear a real uniform with a real nametag where the name is actually engraved. I was ready to mix and mingle with those in the corporate world, and to climb a few rungs on that corporate ladder!!
And that my dear readers is how I found myself employed at one of the most prestiges hotels in the world, whose name I shall keep private. No 1970's decor or coin operated bed massagers here, no sir, at this hotel you are knee deep in swank, complete with bellman in red coats and an entire staff waiting to serve you!
The hotel industry, I love it! You would think that after years of performing the duties of a Pastor's wife that I would run screaming in sheer terror from a building full of complaining and demanding people, but no, I embrace it, relish it, I LOVE IT!! And so, I return from whence I came, serving people. Plastering a smile on my face, and maintaining a calm, silky smooth, appropriately modulated voice I listen to both the complaints and compliments aimed at our fine establishment.
I sit behind my desk in the back office, my neck and spine alligned perfectly in delicate posture, and with a well cultured voice answer the phone thus, "Good morning/afternoon/evening, this is Shawnacee at your service, how may I assist you?"..............Wait, scratch that, back the truck up, my Holy Ghost won't let me, I told an ever so lily white lie. The afore mentioned picture that I just painted for you is somewhat smudged. In reality, I slouch in a posture that would bring shame upon my mother, my feet propped up on a desk that I share with at least one other person, sucking on a diet coke whilst popping skittles and m&m's into my mouth hoping and praying that I can swallow before the phone rings. And I have learned one very valuable lesson..........one cannot transfer a call with one's big toe. Well, to be honest, that description is a real stretch as well, but hey, it makes life more exciting.
So, what do I really do?? I am an AYS (at your service) agent at a very beautiful upscale hotel in Napa Valley and I couldn't be happier! My duties include answering all calls, taking room service orders, signing out and signing in property keys, wake up calls, logging all complaint or repair calls as well as filing a number of very important documents daily into our data base. Short of occasionally wanting to reach through the phone line and manually strangling a guest, or fantasizing of cutting out the tongue of an overly picky guest giving me their room service order, I enjoy what I do! My coworkers are warm and welcoming and fun and there is never a dull moment! And considering all the wild and wacky people that I encounter on a daily basis and their antics during their stay at our hotel, well, it's just too rich not to be shared!
So, stay tuned for future blogs on my very interesting employment, until then, I have to answer line two! Tada, and do come again! ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)